Spring break 2012!!

Recently, I was explaining to a group of 20-somethings why the 30s are so much better than the previous decade.  They were skeptical.  The full exposition is for a later post, but here’s a teaser: one reason that your 30s are so much better than your 20s is that you have the money to do more things that you want, like take sweet vacations.  And speaking of sweet vacations, I’ve been spending a lot of time these days thinking about my sweet “Spring Break” plans.  I’m not headed to Panama City to get wasted with some 20 year olds.  It’s not that kind of spring break (although I may or may not have just added that to my bucket list).  Instead, I’m taking advantage of a window of opportunity in mid-April and heading to Arizona for a 4-day solo jaunt in Saguaro National Park.

For Drew Brees

In reaction to the punishment handed down to the New Orleans Saints for incentivizing players to injure other players, Drew Brees is speechless.  Um, well, not exactly.  Drew Brees potentially didn’t take English at Purdue, since it is predominantly an Engineering school, but speechless means without speech.  But after tweeting he was “speechless,” he then demanded an explanation for the punishment given to Sean Payton (one-year suspension).  He did this with words.  I would ask Drew to read my post from two weeks ago, titled “Da Booty,” and then take a third grade grammar class.  But on the bright side of things, Drew’s incorrect use of “I’m speechless” reminded me of one of the most misused phrases that drives me crazy.  And no, it’s not when people use “literally” for emphasis, when it’s not literally true.  For example,, I literally would rather be waterboarded than have to watch Drew Brees play quarterback.  No I wouldn’t, but it’s close.  The one that literally drives me crazy though, is the use of the word “humble” when referring to one’s self after receiving some kind of award or acknowledgment.

Time Capsule: 1998, Part 2

A few weeks ago, while cleaning in my apartment, I uncovered a treasure trove of things from high school and college.  You may have read the first Time Capsule installment, which included an amazing set of lyrics written by Jules Winfield.  Yes.  Lyrics.

Here’s one by yours truly.  It’s indescribable, written (apparently) after an epic night out in New York City.

“Wait”

Waiting sucks because I’m druunk.
Vomit sleepers?  I don’t know, but the bottom
feed [indistinguishable] what substitutes
[indistinguishable]
for that which comes from eternity.

I was forced to enjoy a bowl of healthy snacks

This has been an interesting week of highs and lows.  Less than an hour after finishing two fantastic performances of a multimedia program for 3-5 year old children, I sliced my head on a low-hanging duct and spent the rest of the day at urgent care, getting 7 staples in my scalp.

I was lucky to receive great care–starting with help from colleagues who were with me at the time of the accident (my employee sat with me in the waiting room at the doctor’s office), progressing to the free healthy snacks at the urgent care office and a bowl full of birth control pills in a rainbow of bright colors like Skittles.  Wait, what?  Obama forced me to use contraception?!?

Da’ Booty

What is it that everybody has, and some pirates and thieves try to take?  A Tribe Called Quest asked this question, and the answer is Da’ Booty.  The Greg Williams/Sean Payton bounty scandal that has rocked the NFL the past few days reminded me of this timeless question.  I am going to provide two opposing takes on the situation, and let all three of our readers decide which side makes the most sense.  For more sophisticated writing on this story, please check out this article by Charles Pierce on Grantland.