The other dope boy wrote a little over a week ago rather poetically about his upcoming spring break trip to Arizona. I have been a poor partner and just read the post today. The post is emotional, beautiful, and thought-provoking. Reading it made me want to unplug completely (ironic as I’m writing this), stir an alcoholic beverage with my cell phone (did that in college — the phone breaks), and WALK (more on this in a second) immediately out of my office into the sun. But, all of that being said, I do want to take issue with one part of Spring Break 2012: the “hiking.”
What is “hiking?” I’ll tell you what it is. It’s a made-up verb that was created for people to feel like they’re doing something more than just walking. Which, by the way, what’s so bad about walking? Here are some of the arguments I’ve heard to defend “hiking.” It has to involve the wilderness. Ok, I call that walking in the woods. It must involve elevation. I would argue that if it’s a lot of elevation, that’s climbing; and climbing is a real thing. If it’s not a climb, then it’s a walk with elevation. What about footwear? Colored socks and boots seem to be favorites. A backpack perhaps? Elementary school kids wear backpacks to school everyday. Sleeping overnight outdoors is camping, and walking from base camp to base camp doesn’t deserve its own verb.
Look, I live in Washington DC and walk a lot of places. It’s a pedestrian friendly city (and gorgeous), and I’ve been on multiple walks within the last several months that could be confused for “hikes.” That’s right, I’m still using quotes. For example, my fiance, her mom, the Dude (our dog), and I walked from our home to Eastern Market a couple of weeks ago. It’s a multiple mile walk, with lots of elevation. We even walked by the secretly most breath-taking part of DC — not sharing, sorry. There was plentiful flora on the way among the admirable architecture. And I’m not quite Howard Roark, but I love buildings. I’m having my bachelor party in Chicago partly because I think the layout of the city is so powerful. It certainly is not as desolate as the “woods,” but does that really matter?
So with this post, I’m starting a campaign to erase the word “hike” from the vocabulary of humankind. I don’t plan on taking my campaign much further than this post or cocktail parties, so it might not be successful. And the main reason that I think I’ll fail is that tons of people want to feel like they’re actually doing something more that just walking. And a lot of them wear purple socks with boots.
two dope boys in a Cadillac 